My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
