It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
