you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just invented taco cereal.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
