and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
