dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You made out with two different species that night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
