i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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