dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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