Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just google imaged poop.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
