in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
