He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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