I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
