I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
