Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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