That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
