I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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