Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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