I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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