cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize