Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
