Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize