remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
