Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
