capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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