I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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