At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
