so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize