i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
