So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
