I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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