they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize