i permit you to call me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
