she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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