DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
