I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
