No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
