i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
