Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize