I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
