Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Randomize
