Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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