i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
