Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
