I'm jealous of your bromance
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
