best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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