Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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