Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
