he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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