So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
