I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
