My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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