She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
