i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
