Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
