ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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