I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
