you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
