he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
