I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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