I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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