So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
