Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
