you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
