Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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