the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
