your room smells of hookers.
And success
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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