What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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